The Beginning and End of our time on Earth

When my grandma passed away a few years ago I was there.  Had you asked me prior to that experience if I wanted to be with someone when they left this world for the next I would have said NO.   I was scared by the whole thing.  Death is scary.  But while I was there with my dad, sister, aunts and uncles and we knew it was nearing the end, I knew that being there right by her side is exactly where I wanted to be.  I was so happy for her knowing she was going to get to be with God and Grandpa and her parents.  Even though she didn’t appear to be conscience, we shared stories and memories we had with her.  She passed peacefully into the arms of Jesus and for the first time in 10 years she looked at peace.

What I learned that day and by visiting with others is that death stories, like my grandma’s are amazing.  They are like birth stories in the sense that if you don’t know the incredible feeling that goes with that experience until you experience it.  (Granted I know some deaths are more traumatic, and laborsome.)   I think the reason why deaths and births are so amazing to experience is because it is about as close to Heaven as mortals can get.

When Deegan was about 2-3 years old I asked him if he remembered being born and where he was before he was born.  I had heard that babies remember being born, but forget by age 3 and since they don’t have the words to communicate their experiences at that age, they often can’t tell us.  However, Deegan had LOTS of words for a 2 ½ year old so I thought I would give it a shot.  I asked him one day “Deegan do you remember being born?”  Deegan answered, “Yes.”  At this point I am sure he has no idea what I’m talking about, so I continue.  “Where were you before you were born?”  And he answered, “I was in Heaven with God.  He made me.”  Sure he probably got that from me at some point I’m thinking, so I let it be thinking what a great answer.

A few days or weeks later I’m still curious about what he has to say so I asked him a couple more times and over those conversations this is what he told me.  “You know God made me Mommy.  He made Mazee too.  But Mazee couldn’t come yet.  It wasn’t her time.  There were two others.”  “Who are they?”  I asked.  “I don’t know Mom,” Deegan said, “They don’t have names yet.”  This would have been true since Mazee had been born when Deegan was 19 months old, and Miri didn’t come along until long after this conversation.  Miri was still waiting in Heaven with God and we hadn’t given her an Earthly name yet.  Deegan also told me about how God gave him to Daddy and me by putting him into my tummy.

Now go ahead and be a skeptic if you wish.  Think I made this whole story up or prompted Deegan in some way shape or form, but I know I didn’t.  I know I asked him three simple questions, “Deegan do you remember being born? , Where were you before you were born? , and Who were they?” (when I didn’t know who the other two were in Heaven).  I know I didn’t give him outside information.  I also know the awe I felt when he told me all of this.  It was very similar to the feelings I had as I watched Grandma leave this world to meet Jesus again.  For me, I need no other proof. 

Isn’t it cool to know we started in Heaven with God and then go back to him after this life?  To me there is a lot of comfort in knowing this.  We can’t enter this world on our own and we won’t leave it on our own either.  God is always with us.

House Cleaning

A tornado hit my house last night.  There are plastic bowls and dishes, DVDs, silverware, towels and clean socks and undies thrown all over the floor.  Toys and books are interspersed, and blankets are weaved among it all creating an artistic design.  Sprinkled on top are Cheerios and a splash of cut up pealed grapes.  Oh wait, that wasn’t a tornado, just my 10 month old exploring and helping Mommy! 

As a friend of mine posted to my facebook page, “Once they’re mobile, there is no such thing as tidy.”  I’m not the queen of clean and my house wasn’t tidy before Miri started walking, so I’m not sure what I’m worried about.  I guess it’s just the crunch under my foot and the squishy wet step I just took!  Not to mention, if it’s on the floor Miri’s bound to put it in her mouth and probably eat it.  We’re just building her immunity!  Laugh now all you mommies of unmobile babies or those of you without babies, but you’ll learn.

Miri is a master drawer unloader, laundry unfolder, paci looser and explorer of the toilet.  She follows in the footsteps of some other masters.  I recall several times in the old house when her big sister Mazee dumped out either the flour or sugar bin onto the prehistoric carpet (who the hell carpets the kitchen floor?).  Deegan once tore through the entire couch full of laundry in under 2 minutes.  And then there was the time he helped me with laundry and threw a diaper in the hamper.  Thinking it was sorted, I didn’t go through it very carefully.  Note: washing dirty disposable diapers does NOT make them clean.  It makes a mess which requires redoing the entire load of laundry.  The most recent find in my load of laundry, Miri’s paci.  Not very exciting in the sense of making a mess, but we found it. (Which is a better record than we have going this weekend.  The paci is up 2 days of hiding to our none days of finding.) 

With all this junk on the floor one could worry about tripping and breaking an appendage or neck, but as long as OSHA doesn’t drop by I don’t need to start putting the kids in hard helmets and padded suits. 

Has it really been 10 months?

My little Miri is 10 months!  Can you believe it??  I can't!  It's at this point that I look at my sweet little innocent baby and think, "I could have more of these.  They are just so much fun!"  And then my big kids run in and quickly jerk me back to reality!

I LOVE watching Miri explore.  She's touching things to find out more about them, everything goes into her mouth, and her ADD (no she doesn't have it, yes it's a real problem, no I'm not making fun of people who have ADD) makes it impossible for her to sit still longer than 30 seconds.  She notices when things in the room have changed and watches carefully when I open cupboards to see what I'm sneaking in them.  Then she watches even more carefully to see how to open them.  Raiding cupboards are a new favorite past time of hers!

Miri has mastered the "Who me?" look, which I get often when she's pulling on something she's not supposed to have.  Her little smile and head tilt along with the shoulder shrug tips me off that she's got something up her sleeve.  She also has a "I'm cute" look too.  If the looks don't get your attention her babbling will.  Miri can tell you all kinds of stories about ma ma ma Ma MA ma Ma and Da da da DA DA DA da.  If you tick her off she'll chew you out!  Just ask her sibilings! 

Miri's mastered walking and only uses crawling when 4 wheel drive is necessary.  She's trying to run and looks extremely surprised when her legs get out from under her and she lands on her bottom.  Often she looks up to see if she can blame her falling on someone.

She's also big into putting smaller things into containers, which means finding her paci has become a case for the CIA.  One day I finally gave up looking for it and found it a couple hours later in the kitchen draw with the dish towels.  And speaking of dish towels, Miri is my biggest helper when it comes to unloading things.  The kitchen floor is often littered with plastic dishes and towels. 

Food also ends up on the floor!  She loves playing with her food and exploring new tastes and textures.  It's funny to watch her eye light up or lips pucker when she tries something new.  You know something's really good when she "mmmmmmmmm.....ummmmm.....mmmmmm....." while she eats. 

Watching her grow and change so fast makes me think she's a genius.  And the scary part is, even if she's really not a book genius she'll be schooled in the ways of annoying Mom by her sibilings all too soon.  Hopefully she learns to hold her own along the way!

This nursing mommy's perspective

Nursing my babies is one of the most amazing parts about being a mom.  To know that you can support and feed your baby is incredible, maybe a bit scary, but overall incredible.

Like all parents I wait patiently for baby to meet all those milestones: rolling, babbling, crawling, talking, walking…I even look forward to introducing them to food.  I love the way they roll things around in their months and ponder what the heck Mommy just gave them.  I love the “mmmmm…..” sounds they pick up quickly and use whenever they want to show their approval.  It is fun.

Gradually they begin to eat more solid foods more frequently.  And eventually they are done needing Mommy milkies.  But I didn’t think about that when Miri started solids around 5 months old.  Nor did I think about it at about when she was 7 ½ or 8 months, and she started sitting up to supper with us and poking in as many carrots or sweet potatoes or pear or peas as possible.  I didn’t think about it when she started picking up the food herself and shoveling it. 

Miri’s 10 months, and the time is now, the time where she doesn’t need Mommy to feed her everything and provide all her nutrients.  She’s sitting up to the table to at least play with food every meal.  Sometimes she’s interested in her mommy milkie bottle, sometimes not.  Sometimes hooking up to Mommy to eat just takes too much time away from all the fun she is having playing with her brother and sister.  She might miss something.  Sometimes she doesn’t need her mommy to feed her.

And it’s sad.  Sure I’m tired of pumping, and she’s easily distracted when she’s nursing from me so it’s challenging,  especially when Miri’s still hanging on to me but wants to turn her head around to check something out.  But I’m not really sure I’m ready to be done in a couple months.  But at a year I am kind of ready, and my babies usually are too.   

It’s bittersweet and for some reason harder than I remember.