Raising Girls

It's hard to know how to write this.  My sarcastic self wants to shine, but I want you to know I'm not throwing myself a pity party. I'm mearly stating the truth and the facts as I see them. It's more of a self examination (aka ramblings).  I believe in order to improve one should analyze what is going on, bad and good, to see if there is room for improvement.

My biggest struggle right now is being a mommy to two girls, one of which is just as head strong and stubborn as I was at her age.  (Sorry to my own Mommy.  Thanks for loving me!) 

I struggle with this because I don't feel I'm a good mommy for girls.  I know this because I wasn't very good at being a girl myself. Sure I had the moody diva figured out, but I never did have other girls figured out. (Still don't in many ways.)  I always got along better with the boys. They weren't caddy and when they didn't get a long, they didn't.

My problem with girls most likely started with my own attitude as a young girl. I know I was Miss Attitude.  I thought it was MY playground. I'm not sure why, other than I'm a big sister. But I'm sure that got me off on the wrong foot with most of the girls in my class.  I will take blame to contributing to my lower friends count growing up, but I can't figure out why I am the way I am.

I grew up in an amazing family. In fact you could say my family is screwed up in the sense that we get a long. We love each other and I consider my sisters and brother my best friends. My parents were my parents, not my friends, and I know their love and feel it strongly.  Maybe that's where things went wrong. (just kidding!)  Maybe my feelings for my family are so great that I didn't need outside friends?

Elementary and high school sucked. I hated it. I was tired of the back stabbing, gossipping, stupid games we all had to play when we were in HS.  I hated being made fun of, laughed at, and having dumb tricks played on me.  It all lead to a severe lack of humor in HS, and me feeling miserable most of the time.

I just don't want my little girls to have to go through that.  They don't need to be Miss Popularity, but I want them to have and keep genuine friends while they are growing up.  I'm afraid I don't know how to help them be that girl.  I'm afraid I don't know how to help tame Little Miss Attitude (because I can't tame my own sometimes!) so she doesn't start off on the wrong foot like I did.   

Overall though, I want my girls to grow up strong and confident, to know that they can do anything they put their mind to.  I want them to be happy with who they are and to love themselves.  I'm just not sure how to do that. 

Perspective

The turmoil in our lives can wreak havoc on our emotions, physical well being, and general perspective on life.  I try to take the little hardships I have in my life and put them in perspective with what's going on around me.

For example, I didn't sleep well at all last night.  My whole body ached, my sinuses were a mess, and all I could do was toss and turn.  I drug myself out of bed this morning, stood in the shower for awhile, took some medicine, and felt like my joints where going to fall apart.  About that time I really wanted to start throwing myself a pity party.  Why must I get sick now?  It's a three day weekend, I should be having fun, or at least trying to conquer  Mount Laundry which always magically appears on my couch on the weekends.

And then I decided to get over it.  My joints might ache right now, but some ibuprofen has helped minimize the pain and it will all be over in a few days.  My pain is temporary unlike the pain some of my remarkable friends with rheumatoid arthritis or multiple sclerosis live with pain every day.  So I pray for them and suck it up.

This whole week threw me for a loop when it came to making new arrangements for daycare, having a new "normal" at work, and juggling everything else that always seems to happen (kid pooping in the bath tub, bloody noses, over tired kids).  But my life is good.  My kids are healthy, and I am truly blessed to have family and friends support.  I know many families who don't talk to each other much less support one another.

And the days when my kids are driving me nuts and I feel like my hubby could pitch in just a little more, I have remember how lucky I am to have such an amazing hubby.  He works hard, and he does pitch in more than I give him credit for (I really wouldn't want to haul the dirty diapers and smelly trash, but he does it all the time).  I also have to remember there are millions of single moms and dads out there who do this by themselves day in and day out.

Granted there are times when life just plain sucks and really not much else can go wrong, but those are the times when we pick each other up, hug, pray, and do the little things for each other.  We must always remember, that for the most part life is good.    

 

  

In Loving Memory of Maytag Neptune Washer MAH4000AWQ

Maytag Neptune Washer MAH4000AWQ

A long time ago-June 29, 2012

Funeral services for Neptune, age old, of Spencer will be at the family dump on Saturday, June 30, 2012, time TBA.  Visitation is at the Johnson residence from now until the time of the funeral services. 

Neptune was born in a Maytag factory in Ohio.  She was then put on a show room floor and adopted by a nice older couple.  She lived with this couple until they no longer needed such a large capacity unit and traded her in at Harts Floors and Appliance in Tyndall, SD.  Neptune missed her old family dearly and would fondly recall washing knit sweaters and plaid golf pants.

Neptune came to live with the Johnson family the summer of 2009 when their even older top loader from the Koenig side blew the trannie.  She was excited to be in a home with young children even if it meant more loads per week and they were extremely dirty.  She enjoyed getting out ketchup and grass stains as well as soaking greasy work jeans.

On October 31, 2009 she moved to her final home in the new house of the Johnsons.  There she worked two more enjoyable years.  She loved central air and new plumbing and electric there.  Neptune will always be remembered for her dedication to a job well done, fine ability to get clothing clean and spin laundry amazingly dry.

In recent months Neptune had become increasingly noisy and unreliable.  Liz and her dad tried to nurse her back to health, but on June 29 she went peacefully while soaking a load of dark clothes.    

Neptune will be missed by all who worked with her and used her.  Left to miss her are her owners, Troy and Liz, and their children Deegan, Mazee, and Miri and coworkers Maytag Neptune Dryer MD-6, Tide Detergent HE, Oxi Clean stain remover, Downy Fabric Softener, and the utility sink.  She will also be mourned by the Johnson's clothing, towels, and sheets.  Memorials can be made to the Johnsons and will be used towards the purchase of a new front loader.  

Best Days of My Life

My mom gave me a bag of “goodies” last night.  In it was lots of high school junx (Camp Gray word), every senior edition of the newspaper, posters made by elementary kids for the state volleyball tourney, and a variety of other things.  In one of those newspaper editions is my senior interview and at the end I am quoted as saying, “Study hard and have fun.  High school truly is the best days of your life.”

REALLY?  I said that?  Was I trying to be cool?  Apparently because I HATED HIGH SCHOOL!  And digging through all that stuff brought back memories, some good, most of them uncomfortable and other just plain yucky.  Graduation day in May of 1998 was one of the most freeing moments of my life.  I left thinking I was okay with never seeing any of these people again.  (My opinion has changed slightly over the years.  I do keep in touch with a few of my HS classmates.)

High school was miserable.  Girls in HS are horrid to each other.  If you’re not in the “cool” crowd, you want to be and try to be.  They may let you in for a bit, but only long enough for you to spill some secret that the whole school will know about next week.  Boys are immature and disgusting, yet we swooned over them and fought for the “cute” (on the outside) ones.  We were jealous of those who got to date the cute ones.

And rumors, rumors flew faster and farther than a rocket going to the moon.  Each person adding their creative twist and turn until it was ungodly and then everyone believed it.  You were laughed at and humiliated in the halls. 

Yep, HS stunk.

I was in the not so cool crowd.  Sure I wanted to be in the cool crowd.  I tried too hard at times, and it bit me in the butt.  I did some things that got turned into wildly messy rumors, which I’m quite confident some people still want to believe.  I also created my own drama at times.  Why I thought life should be that difficult I don’t know.

Truth is the real world is not a lot different from HS at times.  Some people are still smiling in front of someone’s face and stabbing them in the back when they walk away.  Thank the Good Lord above I have changed, and I think for the better.  I am myself and I am just going to be me.  If I don’t impress you, so be it.  If you don’t want to be a true friend, I’m fine with that too.

You see HS was definitely NOT the best days of my life.  Not even close.  The best days were when I was in college, when I attended Quest retreats, when I moved back and got my first job, when I met my hubby, when I got married, when my kiddos were born, when I went to church last week...

The best days are always happening because I have decided to live my life my way.  I have decided to let those in who are sincere (it takes awhile though, ask my friend Alyssa and my husband Troy), those who except me for who I am and are fine with who I was. 

The best days will continue to happen because I have decided to make it as such.  I refuse to let the bad, hate, and jealousy in and control me.  I’m seeing the glass half full and continue to pray for blessings in my life.

Go make today the best day of your life! 

REALLY Michael Bloomberg, REALLY?

*Note to reader: For some reason this whole thing irritated me to no end tonight.  Sorry you got the long version.  I didn't have time to edit!  :)

Dear Michael Bloomberg,
Are you seriously wasting New Yorker's tax dollars on a law against sodas bigger than 16oz?  What are we 6 years old?  Are you our parent?  Are we not BIG enough to make our own decisions?  Seriously?

Did I vote for you? No, I live in Nebraska, where we are more worried about you eating beef and pork to help support our farming industries.  I'm sure you have a problem with hamburger too......

But seriously America, I see Bloomberg's point to a degree.  I understand he would like to fix obesity.  Well here's a clue America, we are a fat, lazy, over indulgent, uneducated (about food) society.  That's the long and the short of it.

Right now some, okay lots, of you are up in arms.  And I would be too if I was lumped into this group (which I am lumping myself in here), but that's it.

Americans sit a desks, eat candy and drink pop and celebrate everything with a cake because it tastes good. Then we go home to watch the millions of channels with nothing on them.  We eat out and pop in a prepackaged dinner far too often.  And then we LOAD up our plate like it's our last meal.

The weight loss industry is ridiculous.  Everyone can make you thin and trim in no time flat.  Just drink this, wear this, do that for 7 minutes a day, monitor your portions....BUT do we do this????  NOPE!

Get educated people.  Get off your rump when you get home and play with your kids.  I mean play.  Rough house, dog pile, tickle fight, run around in circles saying "I'm going to get you", have random dance parties.  Clean your own houses, I'm talking hands and knees scrubbing.  Tell you children about what is and isn't healthy when you're eating and eat lots of healthy and a little bit of the unhealthy.  Eat that way yourself parents!!!!  And if you don't know as a parent, there are tons of resources out there.

Don't eat out or rely on prepackaged foods as much.  They always say the fresh fruits and veggies are expensive, and they are, but frozen ones are about as good for you and I found frozen veggies, 16 oz for 98 cents the other day.  Some of you could get those cheaper with your coupons.  Last I checked 98 cents didn't even get me a candy bar anymore.  HUM, candy that feeds me for a little bit and packs on calories for 98 cents or 16 ounces of veggies that feeds my family of 5 for part of their meal, way less calories and loaded with vitamins and minerals....yep I'll spend that money on veggies.

I'm off on a tangent...but I'm irritated.  We as a society need to get back to the basics in life.  Eat with your family, at the table, with the TV turned OFF.  (Gasp, off?  YES OFF).  Visit with your kids.  You don't have to be an amazing chef, but READ THE LABELS.  Be aware of what is going into your bodies.  Be conscience eaters.

People say that I can say all this because I'm a tiny person.  True enough I don't have an obesity problem, but I can tell you being pregnant made me realize what being big is all about and I don't want to be big.  And big isn't the issue here for me.  I don't believe you all need to be little stick people, but we need to be healthy.  I believe healthy is all shapes and sizes.  We need to instill healthy ideals in our children.

Back to Michael Bloomberg, seriously man, I realize sometimes we can all be a bunch of idiots, but let us make our own decisions in life.  Let people drink their soda if they want.  Let them drink buckets of it if they want.  You're not solving a problem, you're limiting a freedom that we should have living in America.  Put your money towards showing people how much sugar is in each soda they drink.  Educate them about the health problems associated with too much sugar.

What are you going to do next Mayor Bloomberg, make everyone give up their cooking knives because someone might get murdered with one???

Start with education and quit treating people like they're idiots.

(End rant here)

Finding the perfect fit

I hate shopping.  I hate just about all kinds of shopping, but I especially hate shopping when I have to find something that fits.  The basics groceries, toilet paper, shampoo, etc don’t bother me.  Although I will say that I hate Wal-mart and given a choice I will try to find a less populated Target or shop on the “off” hours. 

Back to finding things that fit….As all women know shopping for jeans is an Olympic event.  There are millions of choices and nothing fits just right in the waist, thighs, and then doesn’t feature your butt crack when you bend over.  And then in my case you must add finding a pair short enough.

While I could tell you stories of jeans this story is about something else that needs to fit just right, has just as many millions of choices, and in my world just might be more frustrating: bras.

I recently got done nursing baby number 3 and discovered that I own one non-nursing bra that fits.  One.  And not one nice bra, but one beat up, older than my 5 year old son bra.  It was originally white but was a dingy shade of gray. 

After making this discovery I think, there has to be more so I dig and find some ancient sports bras from back in the college days (which has now been 10 years).  Do you know what elastic does after 10 years?  Yep, when you pull it, it snaps, crackles, pops and then just laughs as it stays in it stretched out state.

I lump along for about 4 weeks with 1 lowly, decrepit bra.  I tried purchasing a new one about 2 weeks into this fiasco, but I was shopping with 3 kids in Wal-mart.  That’s a completely different blog topic and other Olympic event, although I must say they were good kids.  (We’re just not “street” savvy.) And it’s because they were being good that I asked them if they thought we could go check out bras for mommy.

It was that day that I discovered the plethora of selection: t-shirt bras, push-ups at levels 1, 2, and 3, padded, unpadded, with a wire, without, lace, black, white, cream, wild and crazy, with matching undies….. I freaked out, told the kids just how proud I was that we had survived Wal-mart, but that we were giving up on the bra quest.

Two weeks later I managed to get to go to Wal-mart by myself (mind you we live 100 miles from the closest Wal-mart).  I went to the bra section first thinking I would begin my quest by looking at the white bras.  White works well with most everything, right.  Of course I have NO clue what size I am and they don’t measure in Wal-mart.  So I wing it.  Something’s got to hold up these droopy, old nursing mommy boobs!

My first trip to the dressing room I try to take in as many sizes and styles I can, but I’ll be darned if some sizes exist.  I have a few underwire and ones without a wire, a couple of band sizes and cups sizes.  The goal, find one that works the first time.  I went in with 8 bras and left with not a one working.  Guess cup size increases with droopy, nursed for 3 years total boobs?

Back out and I come back with 5 more.  One might work, but I’m still not convinced.  By now it’s been about 30 minutes of this nonsense and I’m thinking I can survive with one bra.  By now I’m pretty sure I’m either one of those popular sizes or odd sizes because I cannot find anything where the cup and band size meet what I think is going to be comfortable. (Maybe my body is just that odd of a shape!)  J

One the third trip in I find one that I think I might be able to live with.  I decided not to get in too deep and only purchased two. 

So far I’m two days in with the new over-the-shoulder boulder holders and it’s been going pretty well.  I’m recovering from my dressing room experience and don’t think therapy will be needed this time.  

The Beginning and End of our time on Earth

When my grandma passed away a few years ago I was there.  Had you asked me prior to that experience if I wanted to be with someone when they left this world for the next I would have said NO.   I was scared by the whole thing.  Death is scary.  But while I was there with my dad, sister, aunts and uncles and we knew it was nearing the end, I knew that being there right by her side is exactly where I wanted to be.  I was so happy for her knowing she was going to get to be with God and Grandpa and her parents.  Even though she didn’t appear to be conscience, we shared stories and memories we had with her.  She passed peacefully into the arms of Jesus and for the first time in 10 years she looked at peace.

What I learned that day and by visiting with others is that death stories, like my grandma’s are amazing.  They are like birth stories in the sense that if you don’t know the incredible feeling that goes with that experience until you experience it.  (Granted I know some deaths are more traumatic, and laborsome.)   I think the reason why deaths and births are so amazing to experience is because it is about as close to Heaven as mortals can get.

When Deegan was about 2-3 years old I asked him if he remembered being born and where he was before he was born.  I had heard that babies remember being born, but forget by age 3 and since they don’t have the words to communicate their experiences at that age, they often can’t tell us.  However, Deegan had LOTS of words for a 2 ½ year old so I thought I would give it a shot.  I asked him one day “Deegan do you remember being born?”  Deegan answered, “Yes.”  At this point I am sure he has no idea what I’m talking about, so I continue.  “Where were you before you were born?”  And he answered, “I was in Heaven with God.  He made me.”  Sure he probably got that from me at some point I’m thinking, so I let it be thinking what a great answer.

A few days or weeks later I’m still curious about what he has to say so I asked him a couple more times and over those conversations this is what he told me.  “You know God made me Mommy.  He made Mazee too.  But Mazee couldn’t come yet.  It wasn’t her time.  There were two others.”  “Who are they?”  I asked.  “I don’t know Mom,” Deegan said, “They don’t have names yet.”  This would have been true since Mazee had been born when Deegan was 19 months old, and Miri didn’t come along until long after this conversation.  Miri was still waiting in Heaven with God and we hadn’t given her an Earthly name yet.  Deegan also told me about how God gave him to Daddy and me by putting him into my tummy.

Now go ahead and be a skeptic if you wish.  Think I made this whole story up or prompted Deegan in some way shape or form, but I know I didn’t.  I know I asked him three simple questions, “Deegan do you remember being born? , Where were you before you were born? , and Who were they?” (when I didn’t know who the other two were in Heaven).  I know I didn’t give him outside information.  I also know the awe I felt when he told me all of this.  It was very similar to the feelings I had as I watched Grandma leave this world to meet Jesus again.  For me, I need no other proof. 

Isn’t it cool to know we started in Heaven with God and then go back to him after this life?  To me there is a lot of comfort in knowing this.  We can’t enter this world on our own and we won’t leave it on our own either.  God is always with us.

House Cleaning

A tornado hit my house last night.  There are plastic bowls and dishes, DVDs, silverware, towels and clean socks and undies thrown all over the floor.  Toys and books are interspersed, and blankets are weaved among it all creating an artistic design.  Sprinkled on top are Cheerios and a splash of cut up pealed grapes.  Oh wait, that wasn’t a tornado, just my 10 month old exploring and helping Mommy! 

As a friend of mine posted to my facebook page, “Once they’re mobile, there is no such thing as tidy.”  I’m not the queen of clean and my house wasn’t tidy before Miri started walking, so I’m not sure what I’m worried about.  I guess it’s just the crunch under my foot and the squishy wet step I just took!  Not to mention, if it’s on the floor Miri’s bound to put it in her mouth and probably eat it.  We’re just building her immunity!  Laugh now all you mommies of unmobile babies or those of you without babies, but you’ll learn.

Miri is a master drawer unloader, laundry unfolder, paci looser and explorer of the toilet.  She follows in the footsteps of some other masters.  I recall several times in the old house when her big sister Mazee dumped out either the flour or sugar bin onto the prehistoric carpet (who the hell carpets the kitchen floor?).  Deegan once tore through the entire couch full of laundry in under 2 minutes.  And then there was the time he helped me with laundry and threw a diaper in the hamper.  Thinking it was sorted, I didn’t go through it very carefully.  Note: washing dirty disposable diapers does NOT make them clean.  It makes a mess which requires redoing the entire load of laundry.  The most recent find in my load of laundry, Miri’s paci.  Not very exciting in the sense of making a mess, but we found it. (Which is a better record than we have going this weekend.  The paci is up 2 days of hiding to our none days of finding.) 

With all this junk on the floor one could worry about tripping and breaking an appendage or neck, but as long as OSHA doesn’t drop by I don’t need to start putting the kids in hard helmets and padded suits. 

Has it really been 10 months?

My little Miri is 10 months!  Can you believe it??  I can't!  It's at this point that I look at my sweet little innocent baby and think, "I could have more of these.  They are just so much fun!"  And then my big kids run in and quickly jerk me back to reality!

I LOVE watching Miri explore.  She's touching things to find out more about them, everything goes into her mouth, and her ADD (no she doesn't have it, yes it's a real problem, no I'm not making fun of people who have ADD) makes it impossible for her to sit still longer than 30 seconds.  She notices when things in the room have changed and watches carefully when I open cupboards to see what I'm sneaking in them.  Then she watches even more carefully to see how to open them.  Raiding cupboards are a new favorite past time of hers!

Miri has mastered the "Who me?" look, which I get often when she's pulling on something she's not supposed to have.  Her little smile and head tilt along with the shoulder shrug tips me off that she's got something up her sleeve.  She also has a "I'm cute" look too.  If the looks don't get your attention her babbling will.  Miri can tell you all kinds of stories about ma ma ma Ma MA ma Ma and Da da da DA DA DA da.  If you tick her off she'll chew you out!  Just ask her sibilings! 

Miri's mastered walking and only uses crawling when 4 wheel drive is necessary.  She's trying to run and looks extremely surprised when her legs get out from under her and she lands on her bottom.  Often she looks up to see if she can blame her falling on someone.

She's also big into putting smaller things into containers, which means finding her paci has become a case for the CIA.  One day I finally gave up looking for it and found it a couple hours later in the kitchen draw with the dish towels.  And speaking of dish towels, Miri is my biggest helper when it comes to unloading things.  The kitchen floor is often littered with plastic dishes and towels. 

Food also ends up on the floor!  She loves playing with her food and exploring new tastes and textures.  It's funny to watch her eye light up or lips pucker when she tries something new.  You know something's really good when she "mmmmmmmmm.....ummmmm.....mmmmmm....." while she eats. 

Watching her grow and change so fast makes me think she's a genius.  And the scary part is, even if she's really not a book genius she'll be schooled in the ways of annoying Mom by her sibilings all too soon.  Hopefully she learns to hold her own along the way!

This nursing mommy's perspective

Nursing my babies is one of the most amazing parts about being a mom.  To know that you can support and feed your baby is incredible, maybe a bit scary, but overall incredible.

Like all parents I wait patiently for baby to meet all those milestones: rolling, babbling, crawling, talking, walking…I even look forward to introducing them to food.  I love the way they roll things around in their months and ponder what the heck Mommy just gave them.  I love the “mmmmm…..” sounds they pick up quickly and use whenever they want to show their approval.  It is fun.

Gradually they begin to eat more solid foods more frequently.  And eventually they are done needing Mommy milkies.  But I didn’t think about that when Miri started solids around 5 months old.  Nor did I think about it at about when she was 7 ½ or 8 months, and she started sitting up to supper with us and poking in as many carrots or sweet potatoes or pear or peas as possible.  I didn’t think about it when she started picking up the food herself and shoveling it. 

Miri’s 10 months, and the time is now, the time where she doesn’t need Mommy to feed her everything and provide all her nutrients.  She’s sitting up to the table to at least play with food every meal.  Sometimes she’s interested in her mommy milkie bottle, sometimes not.  Sometimes hooking up to Mommy to eat just takes too much time away from all the fun she is having playing with her brother and sister.  She might miss something.  Sometimes she doesn’t need her mommy to feed her.

And it’s sad.  Sure I’m tired of pumping, and she’s easily distracted when she’s nursing from me so it’s challenging,  especially when Miri’s still hanging on to me but wants to turn her head around to check something out.  But I’m not really sure I’m ready to be done in a couple months.  But at a year I am kind of ready, and my babies usually are too.   

It’s bittersweet and for some reason harder than I remember.